(Tonight is the greatest night for all the fans, except for those feminists out the front with the placards, Munchy Man is beating one of the women over the head with their own placard. The male fans and queer women fans are having the time of their lives. They made signs but all are too distracted by the surroundings. DJ Seedy, Nitsuj Yssov and Billy-Bob Johnson are all sitting at the bench in the kitchen with a big dining area that has been cleared for the Hellfire match.)
Wow, look at all the whores. Hi, I'm Nitsuj with my regular friends, Billy-Bob and DJ, hi guys.
Howdy and I must say, I ain't never seen so many, I say, so many whores in one place except for outside the U.S. resident's office.
Respect yo' authority Butch Cassidy, as we welcome yo' all ta Fridee 7, LIVE! from da Whore-house in Las Vegas!
That's right, the Doc thought it was time for another belt and all the belts except for the Tag belts are on the line tonight.
Damn straight dere bruva, wha's da line-up fo' da Hellfire?
The line-up for the Hellfire match is the Bullseye Kid, the Mighty Ice Cream Guy, "Vegas Venger" Vinnie Smythe, Alex Wood, Dark Sigh, Vlad the Impaler, Munchy Man, Sitcom Sam, bLaCk KnIgHt, Jean-Pierre, Back Stabber and the Man! Twelve of the best wrestlers you'll ever see in the ring at one given time.
We'd better get down to the Doc before he sacks us all y'all!
Thanks guys, now I have an important announcement to make here folks. The FCoGW is announcing it's newest member to the confederacy, and that's the FCoGW Fascist Strongman belt, for men between 250 and 375 pounds. The last guy in this ring between these weights is the first holder of these belts, but remember, all belts can be taken in that ring tonight. Good luck to all, especially the two titlists whose belts could depart them here at Fridee 7!
Word from the Doc as we go ringside to Jesse Springer for the announcements of the title holders in this confederacy.
Weighing in at a mere 202 pounds, from somewhere in Alaska, the Facical Confederacy of Gimmick Wrestlers Astute Warrior, the Mighty Ice Cream Guy! ("Pop goes the Weasel" plays and down comes the Ice Cream Guy. Whores make grabs for the shiny belts but he manages to fend off those unwanted hand prints.)
And from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 213 pounds, a man who's haughtier than thou, the Facical Confederacy of Gimmick Wrestlers Alliance Hero, the Bullseye Kid! ("Loser" by Beck plays as TBK too fends off the array of ho hands. Who knows or wants to know where those hands have been!)
(Ten other songs play in unison making something that sounds like "Mmm Bop" or some Spice Girl tune. The other ten wrestlers enter the ring too.)
Righto, here are the rules, pin a title holder and you've got his belt, if someone pins you after that, they've got your belt. If you are pinned, you are eliminated from the match, capiche? Only three men will be standing at the end of this match, a Hero, a Warrior and a Strongman!
DING! DING!
Every single wrestler is going at it like there's no tomorrow, for some there may very well not be! Moves at random, Vlad with a bridging back suplex on the Mighty Ice Cream Guy. Alex Wood with a forearm to Sam and the Man with a low blow on Munchy Man.
The Venger o' Vegas has been trown outta da ring, but reenters by climbing da turn buckle an' nailin' Vlad wit' a flying dropkick.
TBK hooking the leg of Vinnie Smythe but he kicks out on two. Steve has bK in a head lock and drags him to the mat, Vinnie Smythe stomps on the back of bK. Steve rolls him up, 1..2..3! He's out of contention.
Some real fishy teamwork goin' on with those two critters! The Man with a bulldog, I say, with a bulldog on Steve.
The Mighty one looking dreary over dere, the Man puts him in a sleeper hold but Vinnie tries to break it. Crotch slam by the Man on Vinnie, he rolls him up and 3 he's out of this one too!
Da Man goin' back ta da Mighty Ice Cream Guy as Vlad taps out ta a leg-bar submission from Back Stabber, who's immediately DDT'd by Munchy Man. Sitcom Sam is whipped inta da Kid, an' he hits his head on da turn buckle, cover by Jean-Pierre, 1...2...3! New Hero, but there's still eight remainin' in da ring.
Sure can't rule out anybody here, because Jean-Pierre is a jobber after all!
Sitcom Sam an' Al Wood sluggin' it out!
They sure are slugging it out. Munchy Man clotheslines the Mighty Ice Cream Guy, powerbomb by MM. There's a cover but it's spoiled by Jean-Pierre who's getting greedy. Munchy Man realises who the new Hero is.
Wowee, this here match sure is a rip snorter, I say, rip snorter of a bashin'!
The Man clobbers Dark Sigh, who has been quiet, and Dark Sigh goes down, hook the leg, 1..2..3! Seven left as Sam hits Alex with a double underhook suplex.
Dat's nearly curtains fo' Alex Wood, as he taps out ta a Boston Crab from Sammy.
Six left, three to go boys, Jean-Pierre, Back Stabber, Sitcom Sam, the Man, Munchy Man and Steve. They air of, Steve and the Man, JP and Munchy Man also Sitcom Sam with Back Stabber.
Sammy whips Back Stabber inta da corner an' comes crashin' after him wit' a running shoulderblock. Den a Northern Lights suplex, an' a cover, 1..2..3! Jus' as Steve taps out ta a leg-bar submission from da Man.
Wow, Sam head butts Jean-Pierre, all three men attack the jobber, stomps from everywhere as he tries to stand but is thrown down to the mat again. This is merciless, Munchy Man pushes back the other two wrestlers and pins him. 1...2...3! New Alliance Hero!
Man, dat was a huge match, don't yo' all reckon?
Yessiree there pal, that was spectacular.
I'll say, and here comes the Doc with the three belts. Let's go down there!
I must say, very demanding match, demanding doesn't over do it does it? Anyway, the new FCoGW Astuuuuuuuuute Warrior, the Man!(The Man takes the belt from the Doc and walks around the ring parading it to the billions and pillions of the Man's fans.)
And to the first ever FCoGW Fascist Strongman, Siiiiiitcoooom Saaaaaaaam!(Sam dressed up as Ally McBeal accepts and curtsies to the Doc and then the crowd. A wry smile comes across the Doc's face as he looks at the Hero belt and then Munchy Man.)
Well now, how do you feel Munchy Man?
Munchy Man: I feel f@#ken fantastic Doc, I swear!
Well now, if my records are correct, you can't have this belt here!
What's he talking about?
I dunno, lemme hear da Doc!
You see here Munchy Man, this bel;t is for wrestlers 250 pounds and lower!
MM: Oh s*^t, you sonofab#tch!
No belt for the Munchy one!
And you my spastic little fiend are 296 pounds according to my records, so there's no belt for you!
Munchy Man not happy picks up the Doc and slams him down with a powerslam. The Man and Sitcom Sam whip Munchy into the ropes and clothesline him.
Great ta see dem stickin' up fo' da Doc!
They just don't want to lose their belts! We now go to our main event!
This is set for one-fall and the FCoGW Global Champion belt. Weighing in at 298 pounds, represented by his merchandise, from Las Vegas, Big Pimp Daddy! (Some slutty disco music plays and everywhore goes completely nuts. Big Pimp Daddy walks out to the graces of pimp hood.)
And his opponent, from Florida, weighing 331 pounds, the Facical Confederacy of Gimmick Wrestlers Global Champ, representing the Elite Jobbers, Slobber D. Jobber! ("Raindrops keep Falling on my Head" by John Farnham plays as Slobber comes out.)
This is a race to see who gets out of the burlesque house first! Gentlemen, get ready, get set.....
DING! DING!
And they're off, BPD choke slams Slobber, he snaps his fingers and twenty or so hookers jump on top of him and are kicking and scratching.
I could think o' worse attacks!
BPD getting into that thare lift, I say, that thare lift and he should almost be at the bottom of Whore-house by now.
Slobber's still at the bottom of that pack, BPD at the doorway now, he fondles his genitals just to pump the crowd up, and steps out the door!
Here's your winner and new Facical Confederacy of Gimmick Wrestlers Global Champ, Big Pimp Daaaaaddy!
I wonder if Slobber wants ta trade places?
I'll arm wrestle you for that thare spot!
You're on!(The two commentators start arm wrestling, but because they're too fat they pass out.)
Well that's all we have time for, I'm Nitsuj saying good night from me, DJ and Billy-Bob. I'm goin' to get me some sugar!
The Facical Confederacy of Gimmick Wrestlers
This is a presentation of the Facical Confederacy of Gimmick Wrestlers, Copyright 1999. http://fly.to/the_fcogw is our URL!